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Day 9:  Worth the Wait

Passage:  Song of Songs a.k.a. Song of Solomon

Think back to the days where parents, pastors, even teachers exhorted that you were “Worth the Wait.”  They usually meant waiting until your wedding night to have sex, but I’d like to give it an additional meaning.  Yes, ladies, we are worth the wait.  But you know what?  So are the men we’ll marry.  And I’m not just talking about sex.
It was my third year at Super Summer, an evangelical camp held in Greenville, Illinois.  The camp was broken off into age groups; each identified by a certain color.  That particular year I opted to be a part of the “Purple School,” which was a multi-age group of kids dedicated to full-time ministry.  Our school was by far the smallest, with only fifteen students.  Eight boys, seven girls.  I went to a Christian college for four years, and worked there for two, and have had the opportunity to meet many Christian young men, and I have still never met young men as amazingly dedicated and respectful to women as these boys were.
They didn’t just hold doors for us, they carried our trays at dinnertime and constantly told us how valuable we are.  They even showed the rest of the camp how much respect they had for women by carrying us out to the athletic field during recreation time.  They were just the type of boys that could make a woman’s heart melt, only they were genuine.  
One of my favorite incidents that week was right before a school session.  Being in the Purple School, our leaders bought a black light for our room, and before every session, they would turn it on.  I had just happened to pack the best clothes imaginable to wear under a blacklight, including a very light over-blouse made of very white, very fine netting material.  I walked into the room and one of the boys said, “what a great shirt, Audra, you’re GLOWING ”  The young man sitting nearby corrected him.  “It’s not the shirt, it’s the personality.”  
Now I know these gentlemen are rare, unfortunately even among Christians they are rare.  But I learned from that week that, even though the world may frown on my so-called pickiness, I know as a valuable God-made woman, I deserve a man who respects me as much as these guys did.  I wonder where they are now?
    Song of Songs may seem like an odd choice of books to ask you to read for this devotional.  After all, it is very lovey-dovey, sappy, and quite sexual at times.  But when I read it, I realize that this is what true love is.  It’s something I want, but not until it’s right.  Read these expressions of love.  Romantic love was created by God, and therefore, if experienced correctly, it is holy.  Do you really want it when it’s not at it’s best?







Think about your list you made of qualities you want in your future mate, if you feel called to marriage.  Update it.  Think of guys who have some of your listed qualities.  I’m not suggesting going out and dating them, but you can use them as a kind of “role model” for your future husband.










If you’re not even ready to think about that yet, make a list of qualities in yourself that you think would make yourself a stronger woman, either for marriage or independence.












Prayer Journal:                            Date:

This is so much easier than responding to all the emails and questions...I'll Xanga it!

I love Kansas City! I want to live there, regardless :) Now, about that job...well, the interview went well, and I had a GREAT time the night before with the Director of Publishing (I think that's her title)...we went out to eat...barbecue, of course! (Mmm...) She's hilarious, and told me a lot about the city itself, restaurants to try, then we talked about movies and tv shows we both love...it was a great time. We didn't talk much about Stonecroft at all! :D

They seemed really serious about me, as they had me take a tour of the entire property, meet literally everyone, sit in and participate in the morning devotional/prayer time, and have lunch with me (at a place called Buca di Beppo's in the Plaza...ohh..my...goodness...sooo good.)

Sooo...I have 2-3 weeks until they interview a couple of others and make a decision. Here's my dilemma...I'm not entirely sure I want to, or am meant to, take it if it is offered to me. I know this sounds crazy, as I've wanted to leave Springpatch for pretty much the entire 10+ months I've been here...I've cried over not getting various jobs I really really wanted and KNEW I wanted...and yet, I'm not exactly jumping up and down over this one. Am I just numb, now that I've been rejected too many times? Am I protecting myself? Is it really NOT what God wants and has planned for me? I'm torn.

Therefore, I present to you this: My pro and con list.

Pro: (for taking the job if it is offered)

• I'd get to move!
• I'd be in writing/publishing/ministry
• I'd get to live on my own again
• I'd be in a Christian environment again (Put about 10% of that on the con side, though...since that's not always ideal)
• I would live in a larger city, with more culture, more fun, more people to meet, (and by "meet" I mean "date"...yes, this is a consideration. I have never had any desire to date in Springfield. That's not true. I've had little desire to date anyone in Springfield.)
• I'd have a job with benefits, that would pay well, with a structured schedule, and NO WEEKENDS!
• I'd be able to live on the grounds of Stonecroft, with ridiculously inexpensive rent/utilities. Definitely a good financial move. Soon, I could get a new car, pay off some credit cards...then move the heck off the grounds :)
• I generally liked everyone I met.

Now, for the cons:

• I honestly don't think this job is any kind of challenge to me.
• On top of that, although my "skills" would be used, my "talents" would not...it's very cut and dried, brochure/newsletter type writing. Although I'm hoping I'd get to work more with the web department...they seemed to want me...
• I just never have been all that excited about the job itself, and that didn't change even while I was there. That doesn't much, except that I was surprised...I'm always wayyy excited about stuff like that.
• Living there, working there, being required to have a certain number of meals with everyone there...they all live there practically, even retirees. It's like a convent. I'm not opposed to that, but it was unlike anything I've ever seen before.
• There's a possibility that I might not be allowed to write freelance, or my books, while there...I kind of doubt that would happen, but if it did...that's a deal-breaker.
• I have some other minor "cons," but they all center around the fact that it just wasn't glaringly obvious to me that I should be there. Like I said, I'm usually pretty intuitive to what God is trying to say to me, and I respond to even the strangest directions. I'm just not feelin' it...or am I? Hmmm...

Okay, that's where I'm at :) I'm leaning a different way every hour, so try to keep up.

Much Love,
Audra

PS - Oh, yes..musnt' forget. Courtesy of Showplace 12 West/West 12 Whatever...for the Pro side: No more Jeremy, no more manager meetings. For the Con side: Tyler will miss me too much, Niki won't have anyone to hate Tyler with, Niki doesn't want Sosie to move, and I won't get to see Kelly, Tyler, Niki, or Matt Wells al lthe time. Oh, and no one wants me to go.